by DemocracyRules
No problem, I’ll buy them all tomorrow morning, lock, stock, and barrel. I will save the US auto industry from wreck and ruin, and eventually everyone will thank me. Here’s my plan:
(1) Tomorrow morning, I will be accepting offers from GM, Ford, and Chrysler to sell their companies to me. For each of them, I offer one dollar ($1). That will be three dollars ($3), total. The companies can post their offers to sell in the comments section here at Gina Cobb.
(2) In exchange for my $3 I will assume all their debt, all their assets, everything. The owners of these companies can walk away debt-free, I won’t financially penalize them in any way. They’re out from under, free and clear.
(3) Stockholders will get nothing, because I don’t feel like giving them anything. But they have the huge benefit of focusing their time and money on investing in something else, that will actually make them some money.
(4) Also, because I’m a nice guy, I will give every shareholder the option of buying the stock again later at today's trading price. I think GM is about $3 right now. Shareholders can take up this option when I say so.
(5) I will close the deal tomorrow by 6. The auto-makers can bill my credit card for $3.
(6) The next day I will close all the car plants and lay off all the employees. All of them. The doors will be closed, and anything that’s still in manufacture will be left where it sits. Employees will be told to drop their tools and walk out. Supervisors turn off the power, and lock the gates.
(7) All union contracts will be canceled. No new pay for anything. Zip, nada, dissolved, canceled, union contracts are gone, period.
(8) Security contractors will get nothing, but they will be asked to keep an eye on things, because if they do, when the business reopens, they will get first shot at the new security contracts.
(9) Any creditors who whine, complain, foreclose, call in loans, or sue, big deal, I’ll ignore them. I’ve already sunk $3 into this and I’m not going any further.
(10) For one day, all plants will be shut and empty.
(11) The day after that I will run one ad on an internet employment website, calling for employees to work at my auto factories for $20 per hour. The skill level needed is no higher than Wal-Mart, and it pays much better.
(12) From that day forward, no unions, anywhere, in any of my car companies. Any factory which organizes will be closed. If necessary, I’ll close the car company to get rid of the unions, or all three car companies if necessary, but there will be no unions, ever, period.
(13) Job applicants can register online, and we’ll call them when they need them. I’ll get thousands of applications for these semiskilled jobs, to work in safe, clean working conditions.
(14) The next day, I’ll phone Frank Stronach, whose company supplies car parts and pre-assembled components to the big three. He offered to buy Chrysler a while back, so I know he’s interested. I’ll offer him Chrysler for $1 million. Or he can have all three for $3 million, total. He has one day to decide, then it goes to open bidding.
(15) With the workforce earning $20 per hour (instead of $132 per hour), Stronach will jump at the chance. He knows exactly how to run those businesses, and he will make money hand over fist. If he pays his workforce $20/hr, he can sell cars for about one half of what they cost now.
(16) I’ll take my 3 million dollars and then sit here writing irritating blog posts for as long as I feel like it.
(17) Frank Stronach will get the deal of a lifetime. The creditors will be paid back eventually. The stockholders can buy their stock back for $3. Then they can watch it shoot through the roof.
(18) The unions and all their former parasitic fat-cat employees can go jump in the lake.
(19) America will get its Big 3 Auto companies back. They will be stronger than ever, functioning as powerhouses in the American economy, for many years to come.
Pro Patria
Would that only be true, I will applaud you til the day I die. I would offer that same amount, and do exactly the same things you would do, as would anyone with an ounce of sense in their heads. There is not a need in the world for our government to get involved in this fiasco. Just KICK the DAMN UNIONS out and let the companies close. Then do exactly as you outlined. Good on ya'.
Posted by: Claudia | November 18, 2008 at 12:30 PM