Why Are Good Men So Hard to Find?

By DemocracyRules

Also see:

What do Women Want?
What Do Men Want?
Promiscuity in Women

I recently posted this list:

(1) Physical Attractiveness   
(2) Good Income
(3) Fatherly behavior
(4) Unequivocal and persisting love
(5) Intelligence
(6) Sexual capability

This list has been around forever.  Why are there so few men out there who meet these simple requirements?

The answer is in the demographics and the problem of cumulating probability.  Let me show you.  Let's start with 1000 "eligible-looking" men that a woman meets in one year.  This is about three new ones a day.  They can be met in professional circles, social settings, clubs, cafe's, art galleries, anywhere, they just have to look vaguely "eligible".  To be eligible-looking, let's assume that these men meet a woman's basic cut-off for physical attractiveness.

Of these 1000, about 800 will be wearing wedding rings, or quickly turn out to be in a long-term relationship.  We now have 200 left.

Now we go to income.  Let's just select men who have a  higher-than the middle, or median income.  We now have 100 men.

Of these 100, we want the niceness that would also make them a kind husband and good father.  We can expect niceness to fit a bell curve like this.

If we choose men who have average or better niceness, in the green area, this gives us 50 men.  Now we look for intelligence, and again let's go for average or better.  We can use the same graph, and so now we have 25 men.

Then we look for love and sexual capability.  Most women seem content with average or better sexual capability, and that can also be placed on a bell curve.  Now we have 12 men. 

Now we look for love, and most women want much more than just 'average affection' from their man, they will want about the top 20% of affection from those 12 men.  20% of 12 is about 2.4. This leaves us with 2.4 men, for the whole year.  From those 2.4, it will take a while to see if the affection becomes unequivocal and persisting love.

From 1000 men, we wound up with 2.4, after one year of screening. Note also that this just covers the basics.  Some of these 2.4 men will have problems with personal hygiene, promiscuity, bisexuality, alcoholism, a gambling disorder, a rage disorder, a hidden psychosis, criminal involvement, a passionate love for monster trucks, an unremitting death wish, etc, etc.  Very often it's not for nothing that these 2.4 men are still single.

So after 12 months of trying, many women are still looking.

It's very helpful to think about demographics when you look for a partner.  If you don't like heavy drinkers, don't waste time in bars.  Iranian.com has a dating section, and most of the 25 year old women seem to want a husband with a PhD.  Given that only about 3% of all men have a PhD, those women are in demographic trouble from the get-go. If they also want someone physically attractive who is nice, has a good income, is sexually capable, and has unequivocal and persisting love, they're in very deep trouble.

Some ideas:

(1) Increase your annual man total.

(2) Attend night school.  There you will meet men who are improving themselves, in a casual setting where repeated interaction is likely.

(3) Shop smart. Spend lots of time within your preferred demographic.   If you like masculine men, attend hockey games.  If you want intellectuals, spend time in art galleries, museums and universities.  Don't spend time with a dumb selfish alcoholic impotent unemployed promiscuous man unless he's your brother.

(4) Throw out as many criteria as possible, and loosen your cut-offs.  Look at the bell-curve again. Just a 10% reduction in your income cut-offs would substantially increase the pool of eligible men.  If the Iranian women settled for a BA or BSc degree, their 'man pool' would  be about 20 times larger.  Does it really matter if your partner sleeps with his socks on or can't make the bed?

(5) Increase your physical attractiveness as much as you reasonably can. Don't complain about the shallowness of men, lesbians also like beauty. To find even 2.4 good men per year, you will have to attract them, and the competition is stiff.  Most women use the same selection criteria that you do.  Again look at the bell curve. A 10% increase in attractiveness moves you ahead of a lot of the competition.  One simple attractiveness boost: make gentle eye contact with men who look "eligible" and smile at them.  Love is not about power, or withholding affection, it's about surrender and giving affection freely.  I'm not talking about sex here, I'm talking about sharing a generous soul.  Men are looking for niceness.

(6) Please exchange phone numbers and emails, and please make  calls and emails!  I don't know any men who dislike it when a woman shows interest in him. 

(7) Once you've found someone you like, remember the three things that men want most in a long-term relationship.  Be nice, look pretty, and maintain whatever level of physical relations you're comfortable with.  Don't wait for him to love you, get busy on loving him.  Men love to be loved, and they will respond in their own way.  More on that later.

(8) If you really don't like men, then don't date them.  Maybe you don't need them, maybe you have no libido, or maybe you like women.  Don't date men just because you're "supposed to". 

(9) If ALL men are trying to get too intimate too fast for you, look for men with low libido. Libido is also on a bell curve. Try moving up your age limit, since libido drops off a lot as men age. If that doesn't work, see your doctor and consider something like Libigel. 

(10) Most important, don't focus so much on finding the right man, focus on finding the right woman inside you.  It's  easier to change yourself than it is to change your relevant other.

More later.   Happy hunting.

________

Comments

[CassA]

kind of disagree. you can maintain your level of attractiveness, but one day you'll be 45 and who wants to pay to pump their partner up with botox when they can get it out of a 20 early 30 something year old for free?
so you're screwed either way. you'll be a divorced mom.
oh well at least you were married once....

[CassA]

oh and one more thing....instead of pursuing a guy with a high income and phD...why not get off your sorry butt and do it yourself?

[Julio Sanchez]

Your list of wants is not unreasonable. What are some of your ideas,perceptions that you the woman should be? Enough of "what women want" lists without an additional list of what they are wanting or willing to bring in to the relationship.