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February 15, 2007

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"Tap! Tap! Tap!"

We need to do something! But will we?

THE NEGLECTED IRANIAN POINT OF VIEW

AND KILL ALL THE GERMANS BECAUSE THE LANGUAGE IS TOO DIFFICULT, AND KILL ALL THE MEXICANS BECAUSE THE DUST BOTHERS MY SINUSES, AND KILL ALL THE CHRISTIANS BECAUSE THEY ARE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT AND IT CONFUSES ME, AND KILL ALL THE FREE PORNO SITES BECAUSE I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT THAT STUFF, BUT THEN I DO LOOK AT IT, AND THEN I FEEL GUILTY, AND KILL FERRARI BECAUSE I CAN’T AFFORD ONE, ESPECIALLY AFTER I LOST MY JOB AT THE PIZZA PLACE, AND KILL THE ARGENTINIANS BECAUSE THEY ACCUSED OUR LEADERS OF DOING SOME BOMBINGS THERE, AND I HATE IT WHEN WE CAN’T LIE OUR WAY OUT OF THINGS, AND KILL EVERYONE WHO SAYS HATE IS BAD, BECAUSE IF I STOPPED, I WOULD HAVE ALMOST NOTHING TO DO ALL DAY, ESPECIALLY SINCE I LOST MY JOB AT THE PIZZA PLACE.

AND KILL MY MANAGER AT THE PIZZA PLACE, BECAUSE HE FIRED ME JUST BECAUSE I CHANTED DEATH TO AMERICA A FEW TIMES WHEN CUSTOMERS WERE IN THERE AND HOW DOES HE KNOW THAT’S WHY WE DON’T HAVE ANY BUSINESS ANYMORE, AND KILL TACO BELL BECAUSE THEY ARE SETTING UP RIGHT BESIDE THE PIZZA PLACE SO I GUESS I’M NOT GOING TO GET MY JOB BACK, AND KILL THE PERSON WHO INVENTED PIZZA, AND KILL THE GUY AT THE FALAFAL HUT WHERE I APPLIED, BECAUSE HE HEARD ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AT THE PIZZA PLACE, AND KILL TRAFFIC POLICE, BECAUSE IN KABOOM, WHERE I’M FROM, YOU CAN IGNORE TRAFFIC LIGHTS AND NOT GET A TICKET, AND THE COP SHOULD NOT HAVE GOTTEN SO MAD WHEN I SHOUTED DEATH TO AMERICA AT HIM, AND KILL THOSE SKANKY LOOKING GIRLS AT THE MALL WHO LAUGHED AT MY TURBAN, AND KILL THE BOY SCOUTS BECAUSE THEY ARE A CHRISTO-FASCIST TOOL, TEACHING TOLERANCE, RESPECT, AND OTHER HATEFUL THINGS, AND KILL THE BIG BAD WOLF, AND THE THREE LITTLE PIGS, AND ALL THE OTHER CARTOON CHARACTERS ON THIS ROTTEN AMERICAN TV WHEN THERE’S NOTHING TO DO ALL AFTERNOON.

AND KILL THE ALL MY CHILDREN TV PROGRAM BECAUSE I HATE ALL THE CHARACTERS BECAUSE NONE OF THEM ARE MUSLIMS, AND KILL ALL THE BLACKS BECAUSE I DON’T REALLY UNDERSTAND THEIR MUSIC, AND KILL ALL THE CHINESE BECAUSE I JUST HEARD THAT THEY ARE BUDDHISTS, AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT THEY’RE NOT MUSLIMS, SO KILL THEM, AND KILL ALL THE HINDUS, BECAUSE THEIR FOOD TASTES WAY BETTER THAN IRANIAN FOOD AND ITS HUMILIATING, AND KILL THAT GREASY LITTLE DWEEB NASRALLAH, BECAUSE WE GAVE HIM ALL THAT MONEY AND HE LOST 1/3 OF HIS HEZBLLAH ARMY IN 3 WEEKS JUST SHOOTING FIRECRACKERS AT ISRAEL, AND HE CAN’T EVEN START A CIVIL WAR IN LEBANON, AND MY GRANDMOTHER COULD START A CIVIL WAR IN LEBANON, AND KILL ASSAD, BECAUSE HE IS AN ALLAWITE SUNNI WHICH MAKES HIM A DOUBLE INFIDEL, AND ANYWAY WE GAVE HIM A BUNCH OF MONEY TOO AND NOW HE IS TRYING TO MAKE PEACE WITH ISRAEL, AND KILL ALL THOSE SOMALIAN ISLAMISTS, BECAUSE WE ALSO GAVE THEM MONEY AND GUNS, AND THEY GOT CREAMED BY THOSE PATHETIC ETHIOPIANS, AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY DID WITH THE MONEY, AND KILL ALL THOSE SUDANESE, BECAUSE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE KILLING CHRISTIANS AND NON-MUSLIM AFRICANS, AND THEY ARE TAKING FOREVER TO DO IT, AND BASKIN-ROBBINS IS HAVING A VALENTINES’ SPECIAL ON ICE CREAM PIE SO I’LL SEE YOU LATER GOODBYE.

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GINA COBB

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