Donklephant has picked up on some breaking news in The Onion:
Democrats Vow Not to Give Up on Hopelessness
WASHINGTON, DC—In a press conference on the steps of the Capitol Monday, Congressional Democrats announced that, despite the scandals plaguing the Republican Party and widespread calls for change in Washington, their party will remain true to its hopeless direction.
“We are entirely capable of bungling this opportunity to regain control of the House and Senate and the trust of the American people,” Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) said to scattered applause. “It will take some doing, but we’re in this for the long and pointless haul.”
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi reaffirms the Democratic Party’s promise to remain marginalized.
“We can lose this,” Reid added. “All it takes is a little lack of backbone.”
Despite plummeting poll numbers for the G.O.P nationwide and an upcoming election in which all House seats and 33 Senate seats are up for contention, Democrats pledged to maintain their party’s sheepish resignation.
Read the rest of this breaking story at The Onion.
And remember, you heard it here first.
Well, actually, second. Thanks, Donklephant.
Or maybe third, if you count The Onion. But definitely early. You heard it here early.
Not early in the day, of course, unless you happen to live in Australia, New Zealand, Japan, or some such place. In which case, GOOD MORNING, and here's your breaking news! But you all heard it here at or near the front of the line.
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