The poster said she was in her mid-twenties and was highly attractive. She lived in New York, and hung around places where rich single men congregate. These men mostly work in the financial industry. She estimates that her target population makes about $400,000 to $500,000 per year. Why, she asked, can’t she find a good one among this bunch? In her estimation her beauty is worth at least $500,000 per year.
A male poster replied that she is a depreciating asset. While the man increases in net worth over time, her trading value decreases over time, because she gets older and less attractive. If she is searching for a mate purely on commercial grounds, turnabout is fair play.
On purely commercial basis, it may be a better deal for the young man to hire a house cleaner and/or a personal assistant, and get a mistress. That combination would be cheaper than marriage, because of the very high costs of maintaining a financially demanding wife, and the high costs of divorce. Furthermore, the man can maintain the value of his assets by getting new ones when the old ones get worn out.
A bit brutal, eh? Well the problem was the woman showed no interest in love, only in a commercial exchange. Successful Western marriage is not simply a commercial exchange between a woman’s attractiveness and a man’s wealth. Primarily it's about finding someone you want to love. You have succeeded when you love a person into the indefinite future.
The second goal is to be loved in return, and if you love your mate, then you are likely to be loved in return. In our survey on “What do women want”, the most highly valued characteristic was a man who loved them.
Here are some mistakes physically attractive women make. (1) They don’t look hard enough. In “What do women want”, I discussed the six main things women look for in a man. It’s a very hard list, especially since these characteristics in men tend to be placed on a bell curve. To find a man in the top 5% on all of six characteristics is really rare, as you can see on this bell curve. He would have to be in the 'red zone' on six bell curves like this! The woman will have to sort through thousands of men! It takes a lot of work to find a good man, and it helps a lot if you loosen your cut-off levels! Marilyn Monroe never found the right man.
(2) They don’t go after the ones they want. Sitting back and waiting won't work very well. Haley Berry may attract thousands of of men, but most will not be right, because of the screening problems in (1) above.
(3) Attractive women, like everyone else, have a strong tendency to think that an attractive man will be “as good as he looks.” That is, they falsely think he will be good in every other way as well. Usually they're not. Rather than give up, she needs to look harder and look smarter.
(4) Attractive women have to work on improving themselves just as much as everyone else. If a man detects that she will not continue to “be nice, stay pretty, and maintain physicality”, then most highly desirable men won’t want her. She will attract a lot of men, but not the ones she wants.
This is another reason why attractive women must work on themselves. Usually they can find someone who will marry them, but if they’re mean or unaffectionate they won’t get a very good man, and they will not know how to love or to be lovable. Their marriage will be like a donut, with no love in the middle.
(5) They don’t look in the right places. It is good to be out and circulating in public, but some places are vastly better than others. Bars and nightclubs are full of people who drink. The ones who are there most often are the heavier drinkers. Twenty percent of the drinkers consume 80% of the alcohol, so bars have a lot of alcoholics in them. About 50% of the adult population drinks little or no alcohol, so they’re not in a the bar in the first place.
Churches and synagogues are full of people who are trying to improve themselves. Night school is great because you will meet your target person repeatedly, and it is possible to get to know them causally. The workplace has become dangerous (especially for men), but it is still an very common way to meet other people. Volunteering can be a great way to meet other generous people.
(6) They don’t use the Internet properly. Many of my friends have met someone on the Internet, and there are good ways and bad way to use it. Look for men who explicitly say they are looking for long-term relationship. Find out what loving men want. Don’t judge someone by a photo, or assume that because they look good, they will be good.
See also: Relationships Roundup