What Do Women Want?
By DemocracyRules
Well, this article is the topic of some recent buzz, with lots of heated words exchanged in comments sections.
The article describes the "silent treatment", and asks what brings women to such irritation: (1) disorderly house habits, (2) spending conflicts, (3) excessive "boy talk", (4) vagueness about the future of the relationship, (5) taking her for granted, (6) Internet porn, (7) turning down sex, (8) soliciting dates electronically, especially by texting.
Rachel Lucas even includes a re-write of the list with the genders reversed. More heated debate ensued from that. Some women bloggers said they're embarrassed about the pettiness of their own gender. Nevertheless, we have to acknowledge that these eight things are real. Many women do find at least some of these things annoying.
What do women want? (Said the cave-man, uttering his first words.) Actually, scientists have studied this quite a bit, so let's see what they say. I'll just deal with the big picture, which is women's pursuit of the reproduction of their own genes. It is called Selfish Gene Theory, or I call it "Intelligent Gene Theory (IGT)", and it proposes that our DNA is designed to make copies of itself. In mammals it accomplishes this by combining with strands of DNA from another individual of the same species (sexual reproduction).
Please note that the term Selfish Gene Theory or Intelligent Gene Theory does not mean that women are selfish, they are mostly very patient, affectionate and giving. This theory can also be used to explain men, and I'll write about that later.
To carry out sexual reproduction, the DNA strands have acquired new genes and re-arranged existing ones to create a human body with certain features. For example the DNA has made complimentary genitals that fit together.
This body is mainly designed to find a mate, and combine genes with that mate. Then the two individuals cooperate to ensure the survival of their offspring (children), so their newly combined DNA will be perpetuated in new offspring (grandchildren).
So with chicken genes, the DNA has created a chicken as a device to perpetuate chicken DNA. For example, the chicken DNA blueprint specifies legs, to propel the chicken around so it can eat and find mates. Snake DNA got rid of the leg blueprint, but had to substitute a blueprint for complex belly-crawling muscles. It took a while, but DNA has forever.
So, to IGT, women have prominent breasts to nurse young, and men like big breasts because that increases the likelihood his mate can nurse babies successfully. It's a sign of good "reproductive fitness". In fact I have sat in Cafe's with male friends and commented about passers-by: "Whoa, look at the reproductive fitness on that one!" Because of these factors, women with nice breasts are more likely to have and raise offspring. Men also tend to prefer women with larger eyes, fuller lips, a shorter jaw, and a smaller chin. These facial features are associated with higher estrogen levels and higher fertility in women.
The brain is also designed by DNA. For IG Theory, love is a mating device invented by DNA. To produce one new human, one must parent them for at least twelve years, so the couple must remain together at least that long and cooperate in the care for the young.
I know, it all sounds very cold and mechanistic, but an IG theorist would say that we shun mechanistic interpretations of love because we are genetically programmed to shun mechanistic interpretations of love. Those darn IG theorists are hard to get around.
So to cut to the chase: Women need a high-quality mate, because they can't reproduce like oysters, spewing out thousands of babies, hoping one will survive. Each offspring must be high quality, so the mate must also be high quality. More or less in order of priority, women look for the following.
(a) Beauty. Almost all beauty criteria relate to "reproductive fitness", or how well that male can produce successful offspring. Alcohol helps! Attractive men have higher sperm counts, and have sex more often. Taller men tend to be more intelligent, have higher incomes, and they have many other features that improve their reproductive fitness. It's not just the genes, it's also how well those genes have been expressed in real life. Men are more attractive if they have symmetric right and left facial features. Most attractive male movie stars and models are very symmetrical.
DNA usually has blueprints for fully symmetric body parts, so if a person is not symmetrical, something may be wrong. Facial asymmetry can be caused by problematic recessive genes or homozygosity. Asymmetry can also result from health problems while growing up. Men are more attractive if they have long legs, and poor early nutrition shortens leg length.
(b) Income. Men must provide for the family while the woman is occupied with child-rearing, and money-wise, the more the better (California bumper sticker: "If You're Rich I'm Single!")
(c) Fatherly behavior. (AKA, "a nice man") A nice warm, pleasant patient man who loves children is usually preferred because he is better equipped to help a woman perpetuate her genes. It's a trade-off of course because more masculine men are more attractive. At high points in women's fertility cycle, they prefer more masculine men.
(d) Undying love. This is needed to keep the male around long enough to get the children reared properly. Most women express this as the need to be loved, or receive love. Fewer women primarily express the need to give love, or be loving with men. Of course women can and do love, and give love, and benefit immensely from it, as does their family. But if the man does not love the woman, there probably won't be a family from that man.
(e) Intelligence, because this is partly heritable, so it can be passed to offspring, and it also increases income capacity.
(f) Sexuality is important for several reasons. Women have testosterone, and other systems which create sexual desire. They actually have more sexual desire than they normally admit. They don't want to be slut-labeled. Lesbians, who worry much less about slut-labeling, are much more openly sexual than heterosexual women.
The man must produce strong and viable sperm, and handsome men have more and better sperm. If the man meets criteria (a) to (e), then she will love him more, and she will want to mate with him more often. The more sexually aroused she gets, and the stronger the orgasms, the better. High sexual arousal produces lubrication, which extends the time of sexual contact, and reduces vaginal injury. In sexually aroused women, the vagina enlarges at the back, near her cervix. This facilitates sperm pooling. During an orgasmic contraction, the cervix is pushed down into the sperm pool, thereby increasing the chances for her to conceive. So there are strong biological reasons why a woman would want to be loved by her man, and would want to love him, to find him sexy, and want to have sex with him often.
When sex fails, the woman usually cites one or more of items (a) to (e) as the cause of the failure. In that sense, items (a) through (e) are necessary but not sufficient criteria for successful marital sex. Even if all five criteria are met, various equipment failures can get in the way.
Pshaw! You may say, this is far too technical and cold, and has nothing to do with my life. Well, Intelligent Gene Theory is just a theory, and theories almost always have to be changed and improved later. It could also turn out to be entirely false.
But if we review "8 Things She Hates About You" with IGT, it fits pretty well.
The "silent treatment" is often a test of love, designed to verify that the man is loving and attentive enough to discover the problem and fix it. Lesbians, both being women, sometimes drive each other nuts with tests of love. The "silent treatment" often comes from doubts the woman has about her man's love. That's what items (1) to (8) are mainly about, things which cause her to doubt her man's love.
(1) Disorderly house habits suggest the man is not dedicated to the family, and is downloading domestic work to the woman. In contrast, her primary goal is to have and raise children in a safe secure domestic environment, and mess and dirt degrades that environment,
(2) Spending conflicts are a problem if the woman thinks the man is not dedicating sufficient financial resources to child-rearing,
(3) Excessive "boy talk", shows lack of respect and love of the woman, and she must have the man's respect and love to raise her children successfully,
(4) Vagueness about the future of the relationship show the man does not love her enough to sustain the relationship long enough for her to raise her children successfully,
(5) Taking her for granted is similar to (3) ans (4),
(6) Internet porn suggests that the man lacks fidelity, and may leave before the child rearing is complete,
(7) Turning down sex is a problem because women are more sexual during ovulation. Turning them down is refusing them a potential pregnancy,
(8) Soliciting dates electronically, especially by texting, is similar to (3), (4), and (5), because it represents a lack of undying love.
Within IG theory, tests of love are emphasized on the list of 8 because love is a very unstable variable. It is much more variable than leg length or sperm count. Yet marital love is vital for successful child rearing. Therefore, women devote huge amounts of attention, consideration, and concern to love because it's important, and they have some chance to control it. One cannot control leg length or sperm count very much.
So men, in summary, if you want to succeed with women, act like a baby machine! That's what she wants you to be.
Do it or suffer!
______________________________
References:
Physical Attractiveness
Brain Sex
The Mating Mind
Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad Reputation
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